You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
