I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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