his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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