Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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