If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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