My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
