i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
