the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
His hands were made for my vagina.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
