I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
