Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
