This girl is more easily done than said...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
