I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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