so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
