hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I AM VODKA MAN
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
