Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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