I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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