I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
