Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize