i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
