Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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