i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
