Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
