we're chasing vodka with high fives
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize