he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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