Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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