this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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