Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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