My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
