standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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