Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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