i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
