So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
