We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
