Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
