I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
