he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
