my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
