Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
