you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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