my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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