my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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