So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
