I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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