1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
