well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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