ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
North Korea, Best Korea!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
