found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
