My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
