Pappa wants mamma naked
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
