Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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