So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
