Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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