i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
