Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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