you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
