FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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