Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
