I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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