What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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