Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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