Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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