Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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