My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
