I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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