hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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