life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
