bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
