After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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