I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
