And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i need to put some appletini on your dick
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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