Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
