That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
