I want to have your abortion
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
