um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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