life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
