so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
