everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
