dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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