I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
