I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Small penises have feelings too.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
