i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
