I hate your face
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
