i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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