At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
