saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
