You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You pole danced in your parka.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
