He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
