Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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