it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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