Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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