Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize