they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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