White coat. Heels.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My penis needs a shock collar
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
