Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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