If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The Olympian is in my bed
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
