You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize