Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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