All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
