I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
