Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
