We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize