i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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