My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
