Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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