Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
