I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
