in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
