I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
