He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize