I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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