I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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