I will die if light touches me.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
